


trying things out

by frogeyecircle



Series: breathe, you've got this! [1]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, University AU, because that's how they make me feel, dance team au, i tried making this soft and tender, lipseul is cute but i dont do them justice at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 04:17:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20039800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frogeyecircle/pseuds/frogeyecircle
Summary: It's scary to go out there and fight insecurities.Especially for Haseul, who gets cold feet and falls back into her old habits very often.Although for Kim Lip, she wants to try.





	trying things out

**Author's Note:**

> hi ladies and gays i'm beyond excited for loona rumored activities starting august, i hope kcon-goers enjoy themselves.  
this is my first time writing smut, and english isn't my first language so i apologize for any errors. please please please tell me your thoughts. you can follow me on twitter @frogeyecircle if you want :]  
many thanks to ney and grizolcan for proofreading 💕

Haseul's life changed gradually – there was no epiphany, no heart attack; she couldn't pinpoint the exact moment it started to feel like she could breathe again. After years of being miserable and expecting nothing from life, when things started to look up, every good thing that happened to her was special – anxiety-inducing, of course, like somehow she didn't _deserve_ to be happy, but also giving her so much joy and euphoria, where she couldn't believe her luck, her hard work actually achieving to something.

Falling in love with Kim Lip was also like this; she expected nothing, yet she was thankful for the entire ride along the way.

* * *

Haseul comes back from her exchange student trips in Sydney and Colorado with more confidence, because she spent a whole year living alone in foreign countries while barely speaking the language and managed well. Her plane landed in Iceland for transfer, and tired of wasting her time in the airport, she went to see a crashed plane in breathtaking scenery, white ice and black sand a stark contrast with the baby blues and dewy pinks of the sky and mountains; by pure 'luck', her car breaks down in the middle of the road as they return, and she sees a freaking aurora that night – not everyone gets that chance. Inspired by the way the cold burned into her skin, by the white birds that tirelessly flew by the shore to avoid their wings being frozen, she wrote a song in an entire sitting, composed the arrangement in the plane and submitted it for peer-review the moment she arrived on campus. When she walks into the music studies class a day later, Sólheimasandur is still burning a frenzy into her mind; she doesn't expect her adviser and classmates to crowd on her, enamored with her song, and she thinks that maybe, _maybe_ – she can feel proud of herself for seeking out new things.

So when she sees that the university's dance circle is recruiting new members and accepting all levels from beginners to experienced dancers, Haseul hesitates less than she usually would – it's all about trying at least once.

Perhaps it's because the newly appointed dance teacher is gay, but in the newest batch of dancers that joined the university's dance circle, at least ten members are attracted to women; hell, even Choerry and Yeojin are still figuring it out and, to Haseul, the fact that they're thinking so hard about it means they're not one hundred percent straight. It's only natural then, that they start to orbit around each other. The odds of it all – Haseul doesn't know what god to thank after a lifetime of interacting only around straight people, but the dance crew becomes a second family, one that she cares so much for that she jokingly starts calling herself a mother, immediately claiming Heejin, Hyunjin, Vivi and Yeojin as her children.

She goes through the motions of university: classes, part-time job, laundry, cooking, piano lessons, dance practice and the occasional going out to cafés or bars. She works diligently, because while she genuinely loves ninety percent of her classes, she is one year behind her peers thanks to Colorado and she can't help but feel inadequate sometimes – so to compensate, she throws herself into her studies, doing the extra learning and all.

It leaves little time for flirting and dating – that's what she constantly tells herself to fight the terrible loneliness wearing down her bones. It's not until she pitifully says it out loud that Yves tells her it's bullshit.

“You gotta go out there, Haseul. You can't keep on being scared all your life.”

They're there because a few of the dance crew perform at this live house almost every week since the spring semester started. Haseul has been nursing a beer for the past hour, sitting at the bar counter while glancing at every pretty girl's face in the dim light and she can't even be offended because Yves is dead on point. She _is_ scared; and it's ridiculous how even Australia and Colorado and Sólheimasandur can't give her enough courage to try. After all, she never got in a relationship before. Her first instinct when a girl so much as _smiles_ at her is fight or flight. While she's not half-bad at flirting, the second it seems like someone expresses interest in her and take things further beyond friendship, she backpedals _hard_; how would she explain that she's never kissed anyone in her 22 years of life?

“You're funny. You're cute,” Yves says. She pours herself more juice to mix her cocktail with, while staff runs around, preparing for the next gig in the midst of lively chatter from the customers. “Just talk to girls the way you talk to me – to the crew. Wittily. Just… act like you usually do.”

“I don't know how I even act around you guys,” Haseul mumbles. “Like a nagging mother, maybe?”

“That's more like Kim Lip,” Yves says, her gaze trained somewhere past Haseul's shoulder. When she turns around, she finds the target of Yves' stare: Chuu, hovering besides Kim Lip on stage. From afar, Haseul sees the blonde keeping her eyes on the piano she's sitting at, her fingers ghosting over keys while nodding along to Chuu's humming. “You guys would actually make a good pair,” Yves concludes, sipping her drink.

Haseul whips her head around. “What?”

“You and Lip,” Yves says. “She's insufferable about keeping the dorm spotless, and her temper is shorter than yours. You're probably the closest to her right after Chuu. Jinsoul and Choerry don't count. Honestly, date her,” she adds, like it's _easy_. When Haseul scoffs, Yves just shrugs. Of course Yves wouldn't see the problem – she does have the reputation of being a chaotic player.

Haseul would be lying if she said she never considered it. Kim Lip is adorable – it's so fun breaking her tough exterior down to be met with her cute side, and Haseul adores her smile where she throws her head back, frowns while showing her teeth. She's been cracking countless jokes just to make sure she sees that often – and Lip's laughing makes this bubbly feeling rise in her.

Yeah, she might have a tiny crush on Kim Lip – but then, she also has one on Vivi, and Chuu, and that girl she sees every morning from afar at the train station, and hell, has a crush even on Jinsoul and _Yves_ (if she grasps at straws) because Haseul falls in love with girls like it's her job. So it's not like Lip is special – yet Haseul imagines it easily, since it's not the first time she's daydreamed about it. Lip's hand reaching for hers, smiling at her shyly, her eyes crinkled into half-moons – and her heart stops and she can't believe she almost died thinking of _holding hands_ with a girl like some kind of touch-starved hysteric Victorian aristocrat.

The live house quiets down a little bit when Heejin finally walks on stage, sits on the stool and adjusts the mic; while the audience claps politely, Haseul leans more comfortably against the counter to give her her full attention. Heejin smiles, confident, and Haseul is so proud of her, seeing her naturally flowing into her element as soon as the cue is given.

The spots make her shine, ethereal. Lip's playing is impeccable, Heejin's voice holds the notes perfectly. Her performance is nothing short of amazing, her charisma attracting all eyes and interrupting conversations; Haseul wasn't expecting any less. As the last note fades into silence, the live house erupts into cheers. Haseul claps with all her strength, some tears prickling at the corners of her eyes; she doesn't have to turn around to know Yves is making fun of her, as if she herself wasn't moved by Heejin's talent.

When she finishes wiping her eyes, her gaze locks with Lip; the blonde is smiling wide, her hands clasped around Heejin's and she looks so adorable like this, Haseul's heart does a funny thing – she laces her fingers together and shoots her a proud smile, mouthing “you did great,” hoping the girl will understand.

Lip probably didn't, but she beams at her all the same and this time Haseul's _entire_ body tingles – because she remembers when Lip clutched Haseul's sleeve as they joked about ghosts at a place they were visiting, black facemask not hiding her shaking eyes; she remembers when Lip did a complete 180° not a few hours later, smirking teasingly at Haseul losing the bet to the drama kids and having to wear Lip's musical outfit; she remembers when Lip helped her with Heejin's choreography; she remembers that one time Lip and her snuck into the theater's backstage during Chuu's play and did shadow figures to pass time, and Lip gave her the goofiest grin she ever saw. All of this, in the span of one second. Chuu bounces on stage and engulfs Heejin and Lip into a hug, and when their eye contact is broken, Haseul feels less full, less happy, less everything – _emptier_ all of sudden.

_Well, this is new, _she thinks.

“Haseul, can you hear me?” Yves says, and Haseul can _hear_ her smirk. “You've been staring at Lip for way too long now. Remember what I said about getting out there?”

“...Why don't you just mind your own business?”

Yves just laughs behind her glass.

* * *

Haseul is helping Yeojin with some of her readings, because while Yeojin is a clever little genius that managed to skip years ahead teens her age and get into university with a full scholarship at only _sixteen_, academic jargon is a nightmare even to the smartest of people. Helping might be a big word, because Haseul is struggling to make sense of it, fisting handfuls of hair in frustration. Yeojin just crosses her arms, frowning deeply at the paper – and Haseul wishes she could actually be more useful, but she didn't do her laundry yet and she didn't check her emails today and she still has a report to write and she wasted her free time the day before by watching dozens of video compilations of 'seals doing funny things' instead of practicing guitar and the dorm's common room reeks of nicotine and today she had a difficult customer at the bank she works part-time at and her brain is fried and frankly _biology __can go fuck itself __she's a music major for fuck's sake_.

“I hate this,” Yeojin groans, uncrossing her arms and slumping on the table between them. “Maybe I should drop out of this class.”

Haseul shakes her head no. “Don't,” she says. “You know you can do it, Yeojin.”

“Listen to what your mother says,” Choerry's cheerful voice cuts in, as she suddenly enters the room. “Haseul is always right.”

Choerry is wearing her gym clothes, and judging by the strands of hair sticking to her face, she just came back from dance practice. Sure enough, while she rinses her face in the common room kitchen sink, Jinsoul and Kim Lip follow close behind, carrying their gym bags, looking just as sweaty as Choerry. Lip plops down on one of the chairs unceremoniously, leaning against the backrest, not even bothering to close her legs. Haseul grins at the dykespreading and slides a chair for Jinsoul to sit on.

“What's this?” the taller blonde asks. She adjusts her black Balenciaga cap and shuffles Yeojin's papers around, picking the sheet that's the most dog-eared. “Okay, 'amphibian apoptosis'? What the hell?”

“Programmed cell death,” Yeojin answers automatically, her eyes glazed over before she snaps at Jinsoul. “Wait, you're supposed to know that, miss Marine Bio major!”

Jinsoul shrugs. “I do – well, kinda – but this is actually indecipherable,” she says, frowning. “Even for someone that knows the topic at hand.”

Haseul sighs. “See, this is why I shouldn't have helped you,” she says. “How am I supposed to know what LLO stands for?”

“Lateral line organ,” Jinsoul and Yeojin say at the same time. They blink in unison before the blonde makes loud kissy noises at Yeojin. “It's not the specific terms the problem, right? Just the way it's written in such an obnoxious way.”

“You guys should see Gowon,” Choerry says. She takes a long time to drink the glass of water she poured herself, all eyes on her. “She helped me break down the chapters for my readings before, she's good at it. She says the trick is to read it out loud really fast and block out what doesn't come naturally.”

Lip chuckles tiredly. “So, what, rap out the readings?”

“Basically...”

Yeojin shrugs, tugs at the sleeves of her small T-shirt. “Wild, but I'll take it at this point. I'll drop by her room later.”

“You should go now,” Jinsoul says. “They're gonna be busy packing tomorrow, and I bet she's just in her room playing Animal Crossing right now.”

Choerry fills another glass and places it in front of Lip. “I'm going to see Olivia anyway, she owes me money. Let's go together,” she says, tugging at Yeojin's arms.

Before they leave, Jinsoul slaps a big hand on Lip's shoulder, and sprints after the younger girls to avoid Lip's wrath. Haseul watches, amused, as the girl rubs her shoulder, cussing Jinsoul out under her breath until their eyes meet.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hi,” Lip smiles. “It's been a while.”

And it has; Lip went on a roadtrip to LA with Jinsoul and Choerry for spring vacation, and the desert gave her sun-kissed skin that matches her golden hair amazingly well. With her part-time job taking most of her time, Haseul could only watch their vlogs sporadically; although she did once comment a scathing 'stop pretending that this is a candid when you probably took hours to get the perfect shot' under Lip's Instagram pic of her drinking juice, and got a string of middle finger emojis as a reply. (She decided to ignore Yves commenting 'wow get a room' right after.) Besides that, they haven't interacted much and Haseul was hoping her crush would go away, but the distance seemed to make her longing for Lip more.

“How was practice?” she asks, expecting a 'it went well' from the blonde, as always.

To her surprise, Lip closes her eyes and sighs. “Not good.”

“Really? What happened?” Haseul straightens up, full on mom-mode activated.

“I've been distracted lately,” Lip says, pressing her eyelids with her fingertips. “So I've been missing my cues, and I'm often a small beat late. I don't think anyone in the audience could notice, but we got good synergy usually so when something is off, it's...” she trails off. “It's frustrating. And Jinsoul and Choerry tell me it's okay but it's not, I'm supposed to do better.”

Haseul doesn't consider herself the strongest dancer out there, but she does know what it's like to feel like someone is out of sync with the rest of the troupe, and the burden of being assigned leader by the dance teacher. She nods in understanding. “What could be possibly distracting you? You're usually so focused.”

Lip stiffens and scowls. “I'm not sure.” She pulls out her tablet from her bag and fiddles with the sleeves of her oversized black hoodie, avoiding Haseul's gaze.

Haseul tries anyways. “Are you thinking of them leaving soon?” Lip stays silent, scrolling through SNS on her tablet with a pout; Haseul leans a bit closer. “It's going to be the first time you and Chuu are apart for this long, right?”

“That's true, but – I know it's good for them. She needs to build that portfolio, and Hungary is a nice place to take pictures.” Lip mumbles. “I guess? I've never been to Europe. And I don't have a single artistic bone in my body.”

Haseul playfully punches her on the shoulder. “Now that's the most preposterous lie I've heard in a while, Lippie. I've seen your sketches.”

“I can draw buildings just fine,” says Lip sarcastically. “But I don't have an eye like Chuu. She will see something mundane and turn it into a masterpiece.”

“I don't know too much about art but I'm pretty sure it's all about composition and balance, which you're good at, because you're good at anything,” Haseul says, reaching for Lip's hair to ruffle. “And architecture students make buildings become masterpieces too. So I'd say you're fine.”

Lip smiles shyly. “You really think I'm good at anything?”

“Okay, now I know you're just fishing for compliments,” laughs Haseul.

“What can I say, I like when you give me compliments,” Lip shrugs.

“See, I think I know why you're distracted during practice, you're too busy thinking about me,” Haseul says, and immediately yells when Lip rolls her eyes at her. “What! I'm joking.”

Lip's ears turn pink. “You're the one who can't stop thinking about me, so quit it.”

Haseul rests her cheek in her hand. “Aw, am I that obvious?” She keeps leaning towards Lip until the blonde squeaks and lightly shoves her away.

So she just exposed herself, but what can she say – it's so fun teasing Lip.

* * *

With summer ending and classes starting soon, Haseul notices some changes in people – subtle ones, like Vivi holding entire conversations with several people at once without needing to pause and search for her words, her vocabulary expanding considerably; on the contrary, Hyunjin's own language depletes to unremitting meowing instead of words. A few dance crew members dye their hair; Lip's change is the boldest of them all. Her silvery hair makes it look like she went from being the sun to the moon, eclipsing Haseul's brown to not-very-noticeable darker brown, but Lip still compliments her and that shouldn't make her heart dance in her chest but it _does_.

The biggest change, though, is that their new choreography is tough as nails, and the dance teacher often stays behind to give some of them extra lessons. To everyone's surprise, even the aces get called out; one day after practice, when the sun is still beating down at 6pm like it always does during summer, Haseul sees Lip kick one of the metal trash cans in anger, behind the dance studio.

“Hey,” she says, cautiously taking in Lip's heavy breathing and clenched fists.

“Hi,” Lip answers, softening as soon as she meets Haseul's eyes.

“Mr Kim gave you an earful, didn't he.”

Lip scowls, bends down to pick up the cover of the trash can that got knocked over. “I deserved it.”

Lip is a natural; dance comes to her as easily as breathing, and the dance teacher usually assigns spotlight positions to her, confident she can pull complicated moves. So when she messed up several of her parts, Haseul could see from her position the frustration Lip was emanating; the members' whispering causing her movements to become clumsy. She scoots closer and reaches up to pet Lip's complicated braid hairdo – 'trilobite!', would yell Olivia – hoping the gesture could soothe her. Except Lip bristles under her hand, pulls away with the trash cover between them like a shield.

“Don't comfort me,” she says. “That part is simple, yet I keep failing because I can't focus. It's my fault, he's right.”

Haseul puts her hands on her hips, activating her mom-mode. “Everyone faces hardships at least once, don't they?” The area behind the dance studio is filled with green. The restless tingles she feels might be from the blades of grass tickling her calves or her energy trying to match with Lip's unstable one. “Happens to the best of us.”

Lip whips around, frowning deeply. “Okay but… I don't like failing in front of Choerry and Yeojin, I'm supposed to set an example for them.” Haseul sighs, because she knows where Lip is coming from. “And if I have to hear one more of Jinsoul's stupid jokes about me being sexually frustrated, I will–”

“Whoa,” Haseul laughs, taken aback. “Sexually frustrated? Is that why you can't focus?”

Lip stares at her, and her voice comes out as a whine. “…Not you too, Haseul. I trusted you!”

Haseul just chuckles. “I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I mean, I'm curious if that's a real thing. I wouldn't know, I've never even had a first kiss.”

Lip blinks; Haseul shrugs and reaches for the trash cover in Lip's hand. As she puts it back on its original place, Lip _stutters_, “Wh- Wha- W- Really?”

“Really what?”

“You've never kissed anyone?”

There's so much disbelief in Lip's voice that there's a beat where Haseul almost second-guesses herself. “No, never!” Her laugh is a bit high-pitched, because here she goes again, exposing herself in front of her crush. “That's what I get for being shy!”

Lip snorts. “You? Shy?”

“Hey!” Haseul turns around, and she catches Lip's eyes following the twirl of her white summer dress. “I am shy! Pretty girls are hard to talk to.”

Lip smirks. “Haseul, you're not shy. Flirting is like, second nature to you.”

Haseul's eyes widen. “What? Who do you take me for? _Chuu?_”

A shrug. “I don't know… Just this morning, you were practically all over Vivi-”

“She was helping me with the steps!”

“Okay, then, what about yesterday when you were poking Jinsoul's dimples and stuff?”

“We were just comparing– wait how did you see that? We were pretty far away from the group,” Haseul gasps, the wind taken out of her.

Lip averts her gaze. “Maybe I like watching you from afar,” she mumbles.

...

Haseul's jaw falls slack. She's not dreaming this, is she? Is Lip really–

Before she can fully process the thought, Lip lets out a mirthless chuckle, tugging helplessly at her short shorts. “Forget it. I know I'm not part of the 'pretty girls' anyways,” she says, turning around to leave.

Yves' words from spring ring in Haseul's head endlessly; if she has to make a fool out of herself, at least she knows Lip will spare her feelings.

“Kim Lip.”

Lip freezes, then slowly turns her heard around, looks at Haseul over her shoulder. Haseul takes in a deep breath, but the next words spill out of her mouth too fast. “You're right I get flustered by pretty girls so I end up talking way too much and that might be interpreted as flirting but trust me when I say it really means something with you only Lippie.”

Lip falls silent, and for a few seconds, all Haseul can hear is the wild thumping of her heart over the crickets hiding in the grass. When the girl fully faces her, her face is tinted pink.

“Thenhaveitwithme.”

“What?”

Lip gulps. “Have it with me,” she enunciates more clearly. “Your first kiss.” She licks her lips nervously. “If you want to try.”

_This is probably a dream_, Haseul thinks. But if it isn't, she needs to take the chance. “Okay,” she says, cheerfully, to mask her nervousness, and Lip flushes red. She steps forward into Lip's space, faltering a little because she has to look up; Lip herself isn't very tall but Haseul is ridiculously small, and she wonders if she will have to tiptoe. “You're gonna have to guide me through this,” she jokes, voice shaky despite her best attempts to sound playful.

Lip nods stiffly, circling Haseul's waist with her arms and _oh_. Haseul didn't expect her entire body to light up on fire, didn't expect that she'd be aware of everything and nothing. Her mind is all but screaming Kim Lip Kim Lip _Kim_ _Lip_ – she can feel the girl's breath tickling her nose, can count her eyelashes with how close they are – and she wonders if the girl can hear her heart leaping out of her chest. 22 years. She could cry. She could seriously cry.

After what seems like an eternity, Lip closes the gap between them. When she feels her lips on hers, though, Haseul can finally confirm that _no_, this isn't a dream. No dream can compare. She's so dizzy that she has to close her eyes, overwhelmed by the velvety feeling Lip is surrounding her with. She's not skilled and clumsy at moving along with her, but Lip kisses her slowly, sweetly – _taking her time_, Haseul realizes, and her hands shoot up to caress the nape of Lip's neck so she has something to hold on to to stay grounded, after her legs decided to feel like cotton.

A gust of wind makes her dress flutter, and Lip pulls back. Haseul chases after her lips and pouts when she opens her eyes, meeting with Lip's shy face, half-smile, half-frown.

“So, how was that for a first kiss?”

“Hmm...” Haseul has to clear her throat, and decides to ignore the feeling that bubbles in her stomach when Lip grins cheekily at her. “I don't know, we might need to try again so I can form my opinion.”

Instead of answering, Lip leans down again to indulge her some more.

* * *

The months come and go. With it, their dance performance at the university's talent show – it ends up with the audience going nuts, a standing ovation that lasts a whole five minutes before the MC can calm them down. As they bow and exit, Haseul breaks down from the overwhelming emotion, and the entire crew rushes out to hug her until the tension and tears are squeezed out of her bones. Lip on the contrary, clutches Haseul's hand, not caring how clammy it is, and beams at her.

Kissing each other became a regular thing after that day behind the dance studio, and definitely helped them both. Haseul's movements became more fluid, and Kim Lip managed to correct her blunders, found out what made her stick out like a sore thumb easily now that she had a clearer head. When Haseul joked about her really being 'sexually frustrated', the girl only playfully slapped her shoulder and tugged her for another kiss.

University life still catches with them past the euphoria of the talent show, and it's hard finding time to be the two of them only.

As summer turns into fall then winter, their performance out of the way, the crew keeps on meeting outside of practice, using the dance studio to hang out, play trivia quizzes, make fun of each other and chat of everything and nothing. The few times they sit down in a semicircle to hold down drawing contests, Lip sits either far away from Haseul or close to her while throwing her not-so-subtle glances; whenever their eyes meet, the silver-haired girl just hides behind her notebook as if Haseul doesn't notice her cheeks dusting pink. Haseul teases her the entire time, calling her name and smirking when Lip raises an eyebrow at her, as if she isn't affected.

Here's what she learns about Kim Lip during this time, though: the girl is very expressive in showing affection except when it concerns Haseul. She has no problems grabbing Heejin's hands or clinging to Yves, no problem plopping down her entire body on top of Chuu's on the common room couch, no problem combing her fingers through Jinsoul's hair. Haseul, though, has to go out of her way to hug her, and have Lip hesitantly hug her back. Haseul tries not to be jealous, and fails miserably.

When they're alone, though, Kim Lip transforms into a completely different person. One time for example, Haseul is at the dorm's first floor kitchen, doing some late-night cooking when a sleepy Lip appears. She's usually only using the second floor's kitchen and Haseul is about to tease her about it when the silver-haired girl hugs her from behind. Her cheek rests against Haseul's shoulder, her body gently swaying to the song that's playing on the background radio, and Haseul messes up her eggs because Lip's breathing against the shell of her ear and warm hands over her waist distracts her way too much.

Because the moments where Haseul gets to enjoy Lip to her fullest are rare, it almost becomes a competition, trying to see who can sneak kisses in-between practice or lectures. Lip gets bold one day, nipping at the juncture where jaw and neck meet and Haseul whimpers loud enough for Gowon to run to the common room to check if everything is okay. Haseul decides to get back at her for that, but also for ignoring her when they're with the others; one day when the girl is in a rush, snow falling soundlessly outside, she tugs Lip by the scarf wrapped around her neck and kisses hard, bites down aggressively to make sure her swollen lips and wobbly legs are on display for everyone to see on the way to her classes.

They don't make anything official, though; no one asks, although most of the crew know there's _something_ going on between them. It's like a game and Haseul intends for it to stay that way, because she's so scared of Lip getting tired of her after she sees what Haseul is really like deep down.

Clingy, possessive, _overbearing_.

The thought of actually confessing to Lip sends her into a panic – who'd want a girlfriend like her? If they started dating for real, Haseul would only be able to start the countdown to the moment Lip gets fed up and dumps her, and that'd hurt too much. So she does everything in her power to stop the burning _'will you be my girlfriend'_ that threatens to spill out of her lips whenever she sees the girl, and everything is fine. Things are fine the way they are. Just _fine_.

She keeps telling herself that until she realizes that she's been avoiding Lip since Vivi's birthday. _Three weeks_. She pretends that she's busy, and while she is, she always made time for Kim Lip before. Now, she's not so sure she wants to keep going at it – the prospect of getting more feelings involved terrifying. No, things are _fine_.

“You're thinking too much,” says Vivi over the game of cards they're playing. Haseul looks up to see her shaking her head disapprovingly (how her bangs always stay perfect against her forehead, Haseul has no idea. Vivi is something else.) “You have to tell her how you feel. You have to show your vulnerable side, Haseul,” she adds, throwing an ace of spades against Jinsoul's king of hearts. “When I was in Hong Kong, I kept putting some distance with my boyfriend and girlfriend, and that's how we ended breaking up, because I was too proud to tell them I was scared.”

Yet insecurity roars its ugly head inside Haseul's heart, and she dismisses Vivi's advice with a wave of the hand and a shaky chuckle. “Lippie is probably not interested in this sort of relationship. I mean – I'm just – I'm just me, and she's… Kim Lip!”

Vivi shoots her a sharp glare. “You can't assume her feelings for her, Haseul. That's not for you to decide.”

Haseul considers herself the mother of the group – sometimes though, she does something dumb enough that reminds her that even if Vivi is soft-spoken and sweet, she's also the oldest of them all. When she scolds her this way, Haseul can't help but shrink into herself. She nods just to make Vivi drop it, but the redhead isn't an idiot; Jinsoul decides the tension hovering in the air is too much and forfeits, fleeing the storm forming up in the common room.

As she hurriedly walks out though, she bumps into Kim Lip – and Haseul's heart drops to her stomach, because it's been _weeks_ since she saw the girl and Lip has her hair out of its usual braid hairdo and her hand lingers on Jinsoul's for too long, and there's no way that wasn't deliberate, not with the way Jinsoul blinks in surprise at Lip and blushes when the silver-haired girl smirks at her. Not with the way she shoots Haseul a small guilty glance over her shoulder before exiting.

Oblivious, Kim Lip walks to their table and circles Vivi's shoulders with her arms, glancing at their game. “Yaho, you two. What are you playing?”

“Baccarat,” Vivi answers. “But I don't know if we'll continue because Jinsoul left.”

“Need another player?” Lip asks. “Although I don't know the rules very well so you'll have to teach me.”

Haseul grips her cards more forcefully, her mind white-hot with a mix of anger and despair, Lip flirting with Jinsoul replaying on loop. “No thanks,” she says, clipped tone, closed off. The worst thing is, she can't blame anyone but herself. “We're good.”

Kim Lip raises an eyebrow at her, opens her mouth to say something but nothing comes out. “Oh… Okay,” she ends up saying, voice small. “Well… I'm going grocery shopping, so… See you later.”

Haseul knows she's being unfair but she can't help it; as Lip brushes past her though, she falters. “Wait,” she calls. “Kim Lip.” When the girl turns around, Haseul tries to reach for her hand, but freezes up when Lip's confused brown eyes meet hers.

“She's going with you,” Vivi says instead, voice stern. “Haseul lost the previous game, so she's gonna buy me chocolate.”

“Y- yeah,” Haseul stammers out. “Just… Let me grab my coat.”

Lip's gaze darts between the two of them – obviously something unspoken is happening. She decides not to pry and nods slowly. “I'll wait for you outside.” She leaves the room and Haseul turns towards Vivi, gnawing at her lip worriedly. Vivi just crosses her arms and legs, one eyebrow raised.

Haseul chuckles weakly. “Everyone is afraid of Olivia's wrath, but honestly it's nothing compared to yours, Vivi.”

Vivi just hums. “Sometimes you have to show your anger. Even if you hurt people in the process. As long as you apologize after.”

“I'll keep that in mind,” Haseul says, the warning evident in the redhead's voice.

“You better.”

* * *

Her entire life, she's been complimented on her name, being told by people that 'wise one from the sky' matched her perfectly. Right now, though, Haseul feels nothing but dumb. In her rush to get outside, she forgot her beanie and is shivering in her coat. Lip is several steps ahead of her instead of matching her walking speed like she usually does, hands in her pockets, and Haseul knows she's the cause of the distance. Seeing Lip far away from her, her wide shoulders stiff – it's like a pitiful metaphor for how Lip will literally _turn her back on her_, and at this point the snow that keeps falling into her her eyelashes blur into tears, so she presses her eyelids hard, keeps her head down and tries to control her breathing to avoid breaking down in the middle of the street when Lip suddenly stops at a red light, Haseul bumping into her.

She doesn't dare look up, afraid to see Kim Lip's pity.

Instead, Lip bends down, searches for her eyes. “Haseul,” she says, softly. “What's wrong?” She brushes the wet hair away from her forehead, cups her face, runs a thumb lovingly on her cheek. Her hands are so big and warm and Haseul _chokes_.

As soon as she hears the sound, Lip pulls them into the nearest café and sits Haseul in a private booth. She lets herself be dragged, not looking up once, managing to do so long after the waitress places a hot drink in front of her.

“Hey,” Lip says.

“...Hi,” Haseul answers.

As much as she'd like to avoid Lip's eyes, the girl always has a sincerity that makes it unable for Haseul to look away.

“Did I do something wrong?” Lip says suddenly, because she never beats around the bush unless she wants to avoid something, Haseul knows that. She knows that.

But Haseul's insecurities roar louder, bringing out the worst of her. Her mind constantly recalls Lip struggling to show her affection but having no problem flirting with girls in front of her. “I don't know,” she says, bitterly. “You tell me.”

Lip crosses her arms, leans back against the used leather of the booth. “I don't know, _you_ tell me.”

Haseul bites down her lip and frowns, reaches for the mug of hot–– chocolate. Of course. _Of course_. She even got her favorite kind, and she's busy being stubborn and stupid. Lip is making the effort of trying to clear things up – and Haseul is being anything but wise. “I can't stand you flirting with Jinsoul in front of me, or any other girl and I know that's selfish of me. I know.”

Lip blinks. “I– I didn't– oh god, is that why you were so pissed off when I walked into the common room,” she stutters, eyes wide. “I wasn't flirting, I swear.”

“You don't have to justify yourself to me, you know,” Haseul says. “You can see other people if you want.”

Lip's gaze turns hard. “Is that what you want? Is this why you've been avoiding me?”

Haseul shrugs, clutches the mug closer. “You deserve to.”

“I deserve–” Lip splutters, her face turning red in anger. “I'm sorry?! Don't use that old shtick to get rid of me! If _you_ want to see other people, just come clean to me about it!”

Haseul's jaw falls slack. “_What?!_”

Lip frowns deeper, averting her gaze. “I mean, I understand that you'd get bored of me but please tell me the truth, I can handle it–”

“Kim Lip, you shut up right now.” Before Lip has time to get offended, Haseul continues. “I thought _you_ would be the one getting bored of me.”

“…You stopped talking to me,” Lip whines. “What else was I supposed to think? I was wondering if I was just an– an–_experiment_ for you.”

Haseul's eyes widen comically. “Excuse me? I'm not _straight!_”

“I– I _know!_ But… you're gorgeous! And talkative and outgoing and girls like you and I'm insecure, okay?! I felt like I was just a, I don't know, a… stepping stone??”

“You? A stepping st– _Insecure?_” Haseul repeats, incredulous. “Lip, I thought I made it clear I was interested only in you! I was the one feeling insecure the entire time!”

“Why would you even feel insecure???”

“Why w– _Because!_ Because you're so cute and sweet and caring and you're so good to me and you look so sexy in that black turtleneck–” Lip lets out a strangled sound, but Haseul keeps going, gesturing wildly, “and I'm just… me! I mean, you've got more interesting girls around. I'd figured you'd go after – I don't know, Jinsoul and Yves?”

Lip grimaces. “Jinsoul is too messy for me to even _consider_ dating her. And Yves, really?? That's just disaster waiting ahead.”

“What about Chuu?”

“She's my best friend,” Lip deadpans.

“...Choerry?” Lip's eyes bulge out, and Haseul slumps. “What? She's prettier than me!”

“Now you're just reaching. She's my child! And who cares about that? _Pretty?_ You're more than pretty, Haseul.” Haseul deflates a little, about to dismiss her but Lip is relentless. “You are. You're funny. I love the way you talk so fast, I love how you work hard for everything, how you never give up despite how difficult things get. How you care for everyone in the crew but don't hesitate being bossy sometimes. Hell, I even like it when you tease me. You try so hard with dance practice and I don't think you know that but on university open day when I was visiting with Chuu, we went to the talent show and saw your opera recital and it was amazing. I couldn't take my eyes off you. M– Maybe I chose this university for you. Your voice is my favorite sound on earth. Haseul, I–” she stops herself and bites her lips, conflict evident in her eyes. Exhales slowly. “I could go on and on. I don't feel like I'm worthy enough of asking for more of you… You have to try and trust me when I say this. There's no one else I have eyes for. Heavens, I thought me pining after you was _obvious_.”

It hurts in Haseul's chest; all this time, she selfishly thought she was the only one overthinking her feelings, when she never tried to see things from Lip's perspective. And she wants to trust her. God, she wants to so badly but it's so scary that Lip gets to see this ugly side of her – the one that fakes her confidence, the terrified little girl she is inside, the one that doesn't want to let people in.

Even now, as Lip dishes out compliment after compliment, Haseul cannot believe her. Fails to understand what Lip sees in her. Shallow compliments can't beat her insecurities since they're so deep-seated – even if Lip has been giving her genuine ones rapid-fire; but she wants her mind to shut up for once. Wants the feelings she has for Lip overcome the thick skin she's built herself over the years, wants Lip to scratch beyond the surface. It's scary. It's the most terrifying thing in her entire life.

After a long pause, disturbed only by the sound of passing cars, background chatter and faint Christmas music, Haseul draws in a shaky breath.

“I'm sorry for the way I acted… Let me take things slowly, okay?” Haseul says. “I don't know how to act around you. I… I care so much about you, if we were to date, I'm so afraid I'd mess things up – I've _never_ had a relationship before, Lip. I'm scared.”

Another silence; then Lip holds out her hand across the table. Haseul reaches for it, doesn't pull away when Lip laces their fingers together.

“I'm not very confident myself, but I want us to try it out. I promise I will do my best,” she says, voice soft. “We don't have to start dating if you don't want to. I still want you to keep me in the back of your mind, and give me a chance when you're ready, please.”

“Will you wait for me?”

“I will.”

“Okay,” Haseul says. “Please keep kissing me, though.”

The silver-haired girl lifts their laced hands, presses a kiss to Haseul's knuckles. “As long as you keep kissing me as well,” she says, smiling.

* * *

Everything seems to go wrong around February.

It started nice enough – the air is cleared between her and Lip and Vivi forgives her after they buy her a fancy chocolate cake. At the same time, they discover the new routine their dance teacher choreographed; it's extremely difficult and leaves Haseul a panting mess by the time they bow. With the challenge though, Haseul understands that they stand out against other universities' circles and she feels pride bubble within herself whenever she catches sight of the audience's astounded faces as Gowon is lifted high up in the air.

Lip gets tired of her roots showing up (although it looked cute to Haseul) and dyes her entire hair brown. It looks amazing on her (then again, everything looks good on Kim Lip) and other members get inspired to make bold changes as well. Haseul all but shrieks when Olivia Hye walks in with blue streaks in her dark wavy hair, but she almost passes out when Choerry follows behind, her hair a gorgeous purple replacing the previous brown.

Haseul gets advice from Hyunjin and decides to do something radical as well – on impulse, she marches straight to the hairdresser and goes to practice with a shoulder-length blunt bob and a crop top. She's not oozing with confidence since her entire life, her mother told her short hair wouldn't suit her. When she walks into the practice room though, Lip drops down her tablet as she sees her, her face red as a tomato; that, along with the excited yells from the other members or the frantic comments on Instagram tells her she made the right decision. Not to mention the way Lip traps her against the wall after the room clears up; she's fully convinced she made the right call when Lip's hands run on the exposed skin of her stomach, the girl's lips hungrily claiming her neck.

On Kim Lip's birthday, in the same practice room as they clean up the party, the girl leans down with her face streaked with cake to press a strawberry-flavored kiss on her lips, while everyone pretends not to notice. Haseul's heart dances when she registers that Lip did it in front of the members – not alone, not _hidden_ – and she barely has time to process it before Lip ducks out of her sight, her red ears peeking out behind her brown hair.

Except the euphoria doesn't last; not long after, Yves and Yeojin suffer an injury that postpones their participation to dance battles. They're not even fully healed that Haseul's family urges her to come home – she doesn't make it in time to be by her grandmother's side when she passes away, and it's too much. She goes back to the city, numb and lifeless.

She doesn't even feel like she's in her own body when her friends try to comfort her; it's only when she smells Lip's familiar shampoo as the girl hugs her that she breaks into tears, sobbing like a child that has been hurt by life for far too long, wounded heart crying out loudly. She clutches Kim Lip closer, soaking her shirt with her tears and drool and snot and Lip lets her, not letting her go, Haseul letting her in.

She goes back to her family to attend the funeral, quits her part-time job and drops out of some classes, overwhelmed by the stress; thankfully, the song she wrote picks up popularity online and while it doesn't make her mourning heal faster, it does fill the financial hole in her bank account thanks to generous donations from admirers. Haseul FaceTimes her family more often and spends her sudden free time around her friends. Heejin practices guitar with her just like the old days; Yves helps out with choreography as much as possible and makes sure she doesn't drink too much; Vivi brings her to the club just so they can have crazy dance-offs; Chuu hugs her and cracks jokes all day long; Hyunjin bakes her bread and drags her to a cat café; Yeojin cooks for her whenever she doesn't feel like it and goes to the zoo with her; Jinsoul takes her to the aquarium for free; Choerry gives her tickets for the rides at the fair she works at; Gowon goes shopping with her, while Olivia Hye teaches her how to beat Gowon in Mario Kart. Kim Lip tries to give her space at first, but Haseul can't stand the girl being away. Soon enough she's taken on dates at quaint cafés, museum, the opera house, dance performances on the riverbanks; and she loves it, loves how Lip's hand perfectly mends with hers, loves how the girl doesn't pressure her into giving a name to what they're doing. Things are fine the way they are – even if it's different than before, because Haseul knows there are _feelings_ involved. Lip lets her go at her own pace, for which Haseul is grateful. If they went too fast, she would break.

She can't help but wonder, if this is _love_.

Little by little, she tries things, figures out what works and what doesn't, and heals.

* * *

During summer vacation, Haseul decides to go back to her family. At the same time, the dance teacher suggests attending a summer camp to the newest recruits. It's held in a remote place in the countryside, close to her family's home and Haseul decides to attend a little bit around July.

She accompanies them on the way there. It takes about an hour to go by bus, and they arrive sleepy and sweaty under the sweltering heat.

There are two buildings next to each other – the first one is a solid concrete-glass-plastic one, with air conditioning inside and a furbished practice room. There's even a huge plasma TV, and the girls argue about whether to bring the futons in the practice room and not use the other building at all. After all, the other one is an old Japanese-style house, with tatami and polished wooden-floored hallways and while it has a pretty cool _engawa,_ the nature surrounding them has the effect of attracting many bugs inside, and most of them insist on sleeping in the practice room when they find a cupboard full of extra blankets and pillows. Haseul, though, takes the killjoy role and declares that they should at least lay out the futons in the other building, because they rented two places, not just one. Begrudgingly, the girls do as she says and she bids them farewell with a smile, the girls wishing her a good vacation and recovery.

Surprisingly, Hyunjin clings to her harder than Yeojin, and Haseul presses a kiss to the top of her head, her heart full. When she looks up, Lip is leaning against the doorway, nervously gnawing at her nails and stopping immediately as soon as she meets her eyes. Haseul shoots her a smile and promises herself to talk to them often, but especially Lip.

* * *

Despite being closeted around her family, spending two months with them has her more relaxed, happier. As the weariness disappears from her bones, she can't help but think back to her dance crew, one girl in particular, and shortens her stay in her parents' home.

When she comes back on the doorstep of the old Japanese house around midnight, she doesn't expect ten girls to jump on her, suffocating her into a hug as if they were waiting for her.

Haseul watches fondly as Chuu and Yeojin babble excitedly about the activities they've done and the progress they've been making, boy group choreography transforming their movements into something sharper than usual. She lets herself and her luggage be dragged in the main room, where the futons are laid out like she ordered them to. In one of them, Lip is sound asleep, curled into herself and frowning to block out the noise. Of course she would. Kim Lip goes to bed around 10pm usually. _What a loser,_ Haseul thinks fondly. Her heart can't help but miss a beat, though, because it's been a while, even if they texted almost everyday.

She sees Lip blink wearily when the other girls shake her awake, confused and pissed off.

“Haseul is back!” screams Chuu at Lip who's seconds away from slapping her in retaliation. That is, until her eyes meet with Haseul's, and Haseul hopes the teasing smile she sends her from afar packs enough apology.

“The dance teacher said tomorrow is a day off, so we're going to do a Harry Potter movies marathon,” Choerry says, jumping up and down on the balls of her feet. “We're going to sleep in the practice room, probably.”

“I'm already _sleeping_,” Lip mumbles. Choerry just nods, and turns towards Haseul.

“What about you?”

“Guys, I love you but honestly I'm so tired, I'm just gonna go take a shower and crash,” Haseul chuckles. “You guys have your movie night.”

Choerry nods again and saunters to join the rest of the group, Yves throwing her a wink on the way out.

Thankfully, the house has individual shower cubicles instead of a shared Japanese-style bathroom. Not long after she slips inside, she hears footsteps, then Lip in the cubicle next to her taking a shower as well. The girl just rinses off quickly, probably to wash out the sweat that sticks to everyone's skin in this unbearable heat, while Haseul takes her time, enjoying the alternation of hot and cold water that beats down on her shoulders. She gets out all wrinkled and doesn't bother drying her hair with something more than a towel.

As soon as she comes back, she checks to make sure the locks to the sliding doors are pulled down; tonight, she wants to cuddle with Kim Lip and she won't hesitate to rip apart anyone who would try and interrupt them.

The girl is lying down on her back on her futon, oversized green shirt and boyshorts on, her eyes fluttering open and closed against the dim light. She's so adorable like this that Haseul immediately crawls on Lip's futon and sits cross-legged next to her head. The younger girl just purses her lips at her, removing her hairtie and running a hand through her hair.

“Sorry I woke you up,” Haseul begins. “You look tired.”

“Camp is tough,” Lip answers. “But managing these ten assholes is even tougher. Don't know how you didn't snap at us daily. I've been ready to throw hands since the day you left.”

“It's mostly self-control,” Haseul chuckles, her damp hair following the movement. “Yves didn't help?”

“Please,” Lip scoffs. “She's the most annoying of them all.”

“Aw, poor thing,” Haseul coos, pinching Lip's cheek. “You could have told me. I would have come to save you.”

“I didn't want to bother you,” Lip groans. “Not when you're enjoying a well-deserved rest.”

She lets go of the cheek she's been pinching, but her fingers hover there, barely grazing Lip's reddening skin. Haseul watches fondly as Lip frowns, and because she knows the girl before her can't resist her coyness, she throws her a wink for good measure. Lazily, she traces the girl's features, her brows, her high cheekbones – she slides her index along the slope of Lip's nose, to her Cupid's bow, then to her lips, appreciating the way Lip's face is desperately trying to stay neutral while her eyes betray the _want_ there. She presses her bottom lip with her nail, fascinated by the warm, compliant flesh, and her neck grows very hot when Lip lets out a tiny whine.

Haseul grins to hide the flush on her face. “Missed me?”

“Of course I did,” Lip deadpans, but the tips of her ears go red. “Of course I missed you,” she repeats in a murmur, frowning while one of her hands crawls up on Haseul's knee. “Come here. _Please_...”

And Haseul's heart just melts. She sighs happily and lies down against Lip, the girl's arms snaking around her back, grabbing fistfuls of her shirt and pulling her close, their bodies slotting together perfectly. She breathes in Lip's scent while the girl hides her face in the crook of Haseul's neck, and it feels like the world stopped just for the two of them. Her hands automatically go to stroke Lip's hair, her fingers carding carefully through the brown strands, content with how it feels like they're melting into each other.

“Imagine the gossip if the others saw us like this,” Haseul jokes to ease up the silence.

Kim Lip clutches closer. “I don't care,” she says, her nose bumping against Haseul' skin and Haseul feels like she's burning up. Like a slow simmering heat that's spreading more and more, from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes, while every breath Lip exhales on her skin is making her dizzy and grounded at the same time. She hums appreciatively when Lip pulls back to press a peck on her cheek.

“Well aren't you bold today,” Haseul chuckles, tucking some of Lip's hair behind her ear, her heart swelling even more when she sees her face; Lip is frowning and giving her puppy eyes – just like an angry Moomin. “That's cute.”

“Shall I be bolder then?”

Haseul smiles innocently – Lip is not very threatening despite how hard she thinks otherwise. “Think you can manage?”

Lip's eyes narrow into a glare, and this time it does manage to make Haseul's heart speed up a bit. “I don't know, can _you_?”

Haseul giggles. “Try me.”

Lip captures her mouth then, her tongue lazily sliding over Haseul's bottom lip. She shifts and kisses Haseul, hard but slow, and Haseul's body and mind turn fuzzy until Lip pulls away, gasps when Lip nips at her neck unexpectedly.

“How is it, baby?” Lip murmurs hotly against her ear, the pet name making her heart and stomach burst with butterflies; they're at the point of no return but Haseul doesn't want to let her have her way too easily, _even_ as Lip's fingers thread through her hair, _even_ as she pushes her chest flush against hers, _even_ as Lip's hips subtly grind against her. “Feel like giving up?”

Her eyes flutter open and she's met with Lip's face, pupils blown, darkened with desire. She also sees some fear and uncertainty flashing there, before her expression hardens into determination. It happens so fast, but Haseul _saw it_. Lip _doesn't_ _know_. It's probably rare for her to top someone. Sort of comforted at the knowledge she's not the only one inexperienced here, Haseul chuckles, and Lip falters for a second. It's enough for Haseul to take advantage and flip them over. Lip squeaks an undignified noise when Haseul traps her with her entire torso, her arms encasing Lip's head and resting her forehead on hers.

Haseul plunges her eyes deep into Lip's, wanting to see more of that rich brown, counting the specks of gold and amber, her breath heavy. Once Lip is past surprise and starts to get flustered, Haseul smirks.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Lip answers shyly, but doesn't look away, and god – Haseul wants to eat her up.

She starts with small pecks on Lip's nose and cheeks, slowly but surely coming closer to her lips. When she kisses the corner of Lip's mouth but not quite giving her what she wants, Lip clutches at her shoulders, tugs at the bra straps under her tank top. Haseul lets her undo the clasps with a smirk, but as Lip's nails graze against her back on the way to her neck, she sees stars and crashes their lips together with a hint of desperation, Lip matching her intensity immediately.

Haseul pulls back, straddling Lip's stomach and shooting her a smirk as she tosses her tank top and bra to the side. Her hands slide under Lip's shirt, her fingers mapping out the lean muscle and the soft skin. Her thumbs brush against Lip's nipples, and the girl arches her back, sighing into Haseul's mouth.

The shirt is being in the way, she decides, and she tugs it impatiently over Lip's head. When Lip falls back, her hair mussed, chest rising up with difficulty, her face red, Haseul's mouth _waters_. She did that. She's doing this. As she leans down again, the brunette's hands slide to her waist, then to her ass, shyly. Haseul smiles into their kisses, arches into the touch so that they're melting together, chests pressing against each other, hums softly to encourage her when Lip cups and squeezes harder.

She goes to bite at the girl's collarbone, wanting to mark her up so bad. Her lips glide over the soft skin, the gentle valley of Lip's breasts, and when she closes her mouth over one of the girl's brown nipples, her hair is sharply tugged at. Haseul looks up to see Lip tossing her head back, her mouth open in a perfect O; she's always beautiful, but here is where she glows.

She peppers kisses down Lip's body, enjoying that each brush of her lips has the girl jerk and spasm. She leaves a wet trail from her ribcage to the waistband of Lip's boyshorts, and she licks a broad stripe under her navel that has Lip let out a strangled, high-pitched moan, hips canting upwards; it's so _hot_ to Haseul that she gets dizzy and has to pause, resting her cheek on one of Lip's thighs, her fingers digging into the girl's stomach. Lip pries her eyes open, scrambles to wiggle out of Haseul's grasp when she's back to her senses, her body language betraying how she suddenly feels shy.

“Wait,” she stutters. “I – I should – I'm probably sweaty – I should take another shower or, or...”

Haseul shakes her head no, cups Lip in a feathery touch. “You're not going anywhere,” she smiles sweetly. Lip can only nod, tongue-tied.

She lets her have some time to adjust, before she goes back to kiss her thighs. Slides her hands over Lip's ass, squeezing gently and leaving open-mouthed kisses against the fabric of the boyshorts. Buries her face between her legs and breathes in deeply when she feels her lips graze against the wet spots, reveling in the _'oh my god, Haseul, __that's perverted__'_ that Lip chokes out. Her head spins, her heart beats wildly. She's halfway through tugging at the elastic of the black underwear with her hooked thumbs, when panic settles in the pit of her stomach. She inhales and exhales shakily.

“Kim Lip.”

Lip freezes; Haseul figures that hearing her mom voice coupled with her serious face might be jarring at such a time. She breathes again, her nerves betraying her.

“Lip, this is gonna be my first time. So you tell me if I'm doing anything wrong, or hurting you. Please,” she adds, resting her forehead on Lip's stomach.

Lip's long fingers card through her hair, her index caressing the lobe of Haseul's mismatched ear. “Of course,” she says. “You were doing perfectly fine up until now anyway.”

Haseul looks up and grins to hide her nervousness. “Can't argue with that.”

Lip playfully flicks her forehead. “Dummy.”

And Haseul's terrified – __so ____goddamn ___scared __of not being up to the task_– but she __wants this __and she’s not going to let herself ruin the moment. Slowly, she peels off the shorts and tosses them away.

She can't help but stare. Her breath hitches when she sees how, below the patch of coarse hair, Lip is swollen and pink and _wet_–

“_Haseul_,” Lip all but whimpers. “Look later. Please, I need you–”

She doesn't let her finish her sentence and leans down, a hand crawling up on the girl's thighs. Her fingertips brush against Lip's clit and _oh_, she's so _warm_ and the way her legs twitch helplessly, her breath stuttering– it makes Haseul wants to do unthinkable things to her. Without further ado, she leaves a deep kiss on the hot flesh, and Lip _moans_ – her voice deeper than Haseul has ever heard before, and Lip could ask her anything with that voice and Haseul would say yes. She parts her with her thumbs, and circles the swollen nub with the tip of her tongue, addicted to how Lip tastes, dizzy with the scent, her ears picking up every whimper from Lip over the sinful slurps. Below her Lip is writhing and shuddering, choked gasps spilling past her lips. When Haseul looks up, straight into Lip's eyes, she can't help but whine – the brunette's eyes are filled with tears and she's biting down on her knuckles to stop herself from moaning out and there's a flush spreading out from her face to her chest and it's the hottest fucking thing in the whole universe.

“Am I hurting you,” Haseul murmurs against her core, not breaking eye contact, and Lip's hips tilt off the mattress. “You said you'd tell me.”

“Y– you're– y– nn– you're not–,” Lip blubbers, tears spilling out on her cheeks. “Pl– please– don't stop– mm– Ha– _Haseul_…!”

Hearing Lip say her name with that edge of desperation to her voice has a scalding fist of lust punch her low in the stomach. She wants to hear it again, and again, and _again_. Smirking, she kisses Lip's clit once more, licking the shiny threads connecting her mouth and Lip's center. She moves a bit south, and dips her tongue in Lip's hole. Lip arches her back and moans her name, her hands sharply gripping Haseul's hair and the short-haired girl smiles in triumph.

“You taste so good, Lippie,” she whispers, as Lip's nails dig into her scalp. “You feel so good…” When she focuses on that part, the more Lip whines, high, soft, _needy_; curious, Haseul's eases her middle finger forward carefully, and her entire face burns up when Lip swallows her without resistance at all. Coupled with the guttural moan that tears out of Lip's throat, Haseul rushes to lap at her clit recklessly, slipping her finger in and out easily – adding a second one, maybe a little bit clumsily, but Lip clenches around them and _fuck_. Because she doesn't have the perfect technique yet, Haseul relies on her instinct, falling back onto the rhythm of Lip fluttering and pulsing around her tongue.

“Oh my god oh my god Haseul Haseul_HaseulHaseulHaseul_,” Lip chants, her hips grinding wildly to meet her halfway. “Don't stop please don't stop don't stop Haseul don't stop please please _please __there there right there_–”

Haseul has half the mind to stop to try and tease her, to drag this on longer, but she wants to see the girl cum in front of her _now_. She slams her fingers deeper, adoring the way they sink into Lip's hot, wet cunt, the contrast of Lip pulling her hair and caressing her ears.

“Haseul, please, _baby–_ _please_–”

“I got you, love,” Haseul moans against her, and perhaps it's because of the pet name but all of sudden, Lip tenses up and comes, hard, a long, breathless cry leaving her lips and Haseul is mesmerized. She drinks everything in – Lip's cum, Lip's scent, Lip's taut stomach and the deep flush on her frowning face, her teeth and lips glistening with drool as she falls forward and shudders again, once, twice, _thrice_.

And then she slumps down on her back, boneless. She throws an arm over her eyes, tears rolling down on her cheeks while Haseul pulls out her fingers slowly, trails them on Lip's thighs and they're _dripping _and it's so erotic Haseul wishes they could go for round two. Instead, she licks her clean and presses one last kiss to Lip's center – the girl twitches, making sounds between sighs and whines.

After a minute, Haseul sits up, slowly runs her thumb on Lip's knee. “You okay there, Lippie?”

Lip wipes at her cheeks, pries her eyes open with difficulty. “Kiss meeee...” she whines, raw, vulnerable. Haseul smiles fondly, and wordlessly slides against the girl's body, linking their lips once more. She wants to relax and enjoy it, but she's so sensitive there that she can't help but squirm when Lip's thigh brushes against her panties. Lip notices the wet sheen there, fluids gumming out on her knee and chuckles tiredly against her neck.

“Your turn,” she says, firmly.

“You're tired,” Haseul protests, but Lip pushes forward and she can't stop the sigh that spills past her.

“I'm not a pillow princess, Haseul. Let me take care of you, baby,” Lip murmurs, her long fingers slipping under the fabric, between her throbbing folds, and Haseul clings closer, scratches at Lip's back, drinks in her warmth; she's so _close_.

She shamelessly moans, loud and beautiful like a soprano's voice should be. Lip kisses her as she rocks against her, rubbing tight circles around her clit. Her fingers slip a bit further down; when they ghost over her rim, it tips her over the edge. Haseul comes with a broken whine, her nails digging and surely breaking the skin, but Lip doesn't stop, rubs down harder, and Haseul sees stars, dissolves into tremors and shivers one more time.

Lip kisses her shoulder, throat, jaw, ear and cheeks gently, strokes down softly until she can't take it anymore. Through her heavy, half-lidded eyes, Haseul sees the girl shove her fingers into her mouth, and she feels her core flutter when she sees Lip's satisfied face as she licks her release.

Lip grasps blindly for her underwear and shirt, and hands over Haseul's tank top. She stands up to unlock the sliding doors, then comes back to settle against Haseul, running her thumb behind her ear.

“You were kinda in a rush, so next time, I'll take my time with you. Consider it payback for today,” Lip warns.

“Next time, huh,” Haseul smiles, exhausted. She snuggles closer to the taller girl, not caring for the heat. “I'd like to see you try.”

* * *

It's going to soon be the anniversary of their first kiss, Haseul realizes, several days later. In the late summer heat, everyone is busy around the table they set outside, running to get dishes and beverages and utensils. Chuu cooks the meat like her life depended on it, while Yves makes fun of Jinsoul, the blonde feeling bad for the fish they're about to grill. Hyunjin cuts the baguettes they bought but more bread ends up in her mouth than in the intended basket. Olivia Hye is dousing the area in bugspray, but ends up chasing Yeojin with an electric flyswatter. Vivi makes round trips from the kitchen to the table, carrying more and more plates with her each time. Gowon and Choerry settle down the salad bowls, laughing at Heejin struggling to put up the tent around.

Only Kim Lip has done her duties already, so she stands aside on a large rock, squinting against the setting sun. As she sees her like this, her slender body basked in twilight, Haseul wonders why it took so long for her to realize her crush actually blossomed into true love. It's the sort of love that makes the liquid inside her veins burn into molten fire, her body light as a butterfly, soaring high towards the sky. It didn't come suddenly, but she realized little by little.

She wonders why she was so stubborn into not letting Lip peek out past her façade. Why she worried about trusting her entirely.

Wordlessly, she goes to join her, sliding her hand in hers. Lip turns towards her, smiling like everything will be okay. Finally, Haseul believes it.

“Hey,” Lip says.

“Hi.”

“What are you thinking?”

“I want to go out with you,” she says, like she's been meaning to say for so long.

Lip squeezes her hand softly. “You want to be my girlfriend?”

“Yes,” Haseul breathes. “If you'll let me.”

Lip reaches out to caress her cheek, plunges her soft brown eyes in hers, her skin glowing under the orange light, and Haseul is so scared, but there's nothing she's more certain of. “I'd like that.”

“Hey, lovebirds!” Chuu yells from behind. “Dinner is served!”

“Let's go before they clear out all the food,” Lip chuckles and tugs her along.

The normalcy of it all makes her heart swell. No epiphany, no heart-attack – Haseul has a fleeting thought to scared lil' her who thought the world was gonna end before she'd be happy, and she smiles.

She's so, so, so glad she tried.

**Author's Note:**

> edit (5/08/19): WOW i'm overwhelmed by the positive comments and kudos. i was not expecting this...  
i don't know how to reply to everyone but i'm sosososo grateful tysm !!!! lipseul wins once again  
also, kris made amazing fanart for this, and i'm absolutely in ruins.  
https://twitter.com/TheStinakat/status/1157723224135950336  
don't forget to like and retweet their art 😭💘 thank you so much !!!!!!!!


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